AND NOW, RICHARD CRENNA!!#$@#
Hello, my name is Richard Crenna. I starred in such movies as "Harry and the Hendersons," "Rambo," "King Kong Dongs," and "Chuck's Lactating Mamas." You may also remember me from my extensive appearances on PBS, in such specials as "How to Make a Carpet" and "All About the Urethra." Today, I am going to talk about my experience with sluts and give you some hints on keeping your slut healthy and happy. I've owned many a slut in my lifetime, and let me tell you, they can sure be difficult at times. Let me give you an example of a difficult slut. When I was 11, I bought my first slut. I named her "Wiggle Tits" because she had the biggest jiggle-teats i'd ever seen. What a mistake I made... the very next day my slut slammed her teats in the door and they turned purple and fell off. Just my luck! The worst thing is, the slut had already become accustomed to being called "Wiggle Tits" and since she no longer had a trace of teat, I had to rename her. After a week of research, I used my 11 year old knowledge to come up with the name "Gina the Skank." I tried getting her accustomed to the new name at home, but after a month and still no luck, I made the most important choice any slut owner has to make: I put her into Slut Training School.
The first day of training, I met the teacher, Mr. "Q". I later learned that this was becuase he was a fruit. Anyways, The first day of school was a disaster. The first thing my slut did was mark her territory on all the other sluts. She "owned" them. And let me tell you, their owners weren't happy at all$#@ it took their owners 5 weeks of scent leaving to get their sluts set straight. It was truly "wack". After I got my slut somewhat settled down, Mr. Q told me to leave my slut so that I dont complicate the training process. So, I headed to the dyke bar. After several hours of Bootie Shakin', I drove back up to pick up my slut. When I first saw her, I couldn't belive my eyes! She was covered in jizz!#@$ Mr. Q says that she escaped and went to the local Kmart and suckled many a man's penii. I was amazed! He also told me that she spent basically the whole class licking herself on the privates. This astounded me because I never could reach.
After I hosed Gina the Skank off, I thanked Mr. Q and told him I wouldn't be back. I put Gina in my car and we went home. After all of this happened, she still wouldnt answer to Gina the Skank! I was so angry I punched my pillow for an hour! I now know why people appreciate psychotherapists!
The next day, I punched my slut in the genitals. She died. That was the end of the dilemma. I took her slut-body to the store and exchanged it for a new slut, who I called "Juanita of the Night." Nothing wrong with that, is there?
That was a fun story, huh? It made me erect! Now im going to give you some tips about slut owning:
#1: ALWAYS wax your slut's teats and anii several times a week. Who wants a hairy slut?

#2: Inspect your slut's "cunt" regularly. You never know when those pesky yeasties will move in!

#3: Make a chore list for your slut, so she stays active in the household. Sluts can do things like wash dishes, vacuum, and give head. Spiff this up with sparkley little stars!

#4: Make sure to teach your slut the proper methods of fellating. Many sluts are known to bite off a man's penii at moment's notice! I found out the hard way, but hey! I'm Richard Crenna, so I never really had one to begin with!

#5: NEVER bring a vole within 500 feet of a slut. A vole has very strong anii odors. Most sluts feel threatened by these odors, and will usually fight to the death with a vole. Many times, sluts can loose their teats in these battles. If worst comes to worse, theres always Play-Doh!

#6: Smoke your slut out every day. It makes them think less. Who wants a slut talking about philosophy while getting fucked in the ass anyways?#$@

#7: MOST IMPORTANT: NEVER EVER TAKE YOUR SLUTS TO RODNEY DANGERFIELD! HE WILL INDEED SLUT-NAP THEM.

So you see, owning a slut is alot of work, but it can be very rewarding! Keep up the good work, motherfuckers!

-Richard Crenna